Luna - 27
She/They
Not my real name, of course. This is my chosen alias for online shenanigans. I’m a STEM student working towards a degree and the start of a career. My hobbies include digital art & animation, retro and Indie videogames, and watching an egregious amount of youtube videos. I’m a creator at heart, looking for a medium I enjoy and can hopefully build a stable future for myself with.
I also have attention and memory issues that make it hard for me to organize and live my life. I bounce from project to project, never quite finishing any of them. I’m working on changing that.
Retro Games
I haven’t been able to work and do normal life stuff. To put it frankly, I’m broke. Retro games have been a good outlet for me. I go back to my childhood classics, and with older games becoming more easily accessible, I’ve been able to play some new ones too!
Lately I’ve been fixated on my Miyoo Mini+
Digital art
I’ve recieved compliments from people growing up for my drawings, and while I appreciate them, I don’t see my drawings the same way they seem to. Dont get me wrong, I like them, I’m proud of quite a few actually, maybe I'll post some my favorites soon.
But I also know I’ve plateaud and I’m no longer as interested in improving. My mind is fickle, I don’t yet know how to work with it. I get bored and hyperfixate on new mediums for a few days. That happened with this website. I have rudementary knowledge on a few things but never quite mastered any of them. I have a 3d model I’ve been working on for about a year now, on and off. I’ve scrapped it and started over multiple times. This is just what happens sometimes, I guess
Youtube
It’s more of an addiction, really. I once had access to premium for two months. The thing with premium is that it tells you how many hours you spent watching videos.
In those two months, I clocked in about 700 hours.** This is not something I should be proud of, but I kinda am, it’s fucking hilarious.
I grew up on the platform, I’m attatched, and I’ve always wanted to be like the creators I looked up to, but I’ve doubted myself and gotten in my own way. I want to change that. I want to make things, even if the anxiety demons are telling me I’m too old, or my videos won’t be “good enough.”
Being that we’re also in a capitalist hellscape, I get distracted by the idea of succeeding on the platform. It feels silly, like a child’s dream of becoming an astronaut, or a firefighter. But with how things on the internet work, it feels like all it takes is for one video to blow up. It feels like anyone can make it. And suddently, theres this immense pressure to perform and appear to be perfect.
This shouldn’t be about being good enough. It shouldn’t be about success. It should be for ME. It should be about the immense joy I get from video editing, how it feels like play. How I make myself laugh with stupid edits, and how I get my friends to laugh and how wonderfully warm and fuzzy I feel when that happens.
TL:DR; I need to learn to embrace the things that make me happy and brong me fulfillment, lol oops